Harder, Stronger, Better, Faster

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

 

Current Mood: EMO TEARS OF BLOOD lulz
Song of the Day: "The Sun and the Moon" by Mae

Mmm...had a dream last last night and felt it was time to be writing this stuff down... I think eventually it'll become a full-on fic, but these are just a few flashback drabbles. I have a feeling it's going to be way emo and shit, but ah well. At least i'll give you a happy ending. I ain't no Nicholas Sparks, okay? GOD. I hate that man...

Mmm... there's two people speaking. Dani in Italics, Zach in bold. They're not actually writing to each other... but it kind of looks like it, doesn't it? xP Touche...

So now I’m sitting here staring at a blank piece of paper wondering what it is exactly that I should be saying to you.
I’m tempted to start this the way I started my first diary when I was in third grade: “Dear Diary, I am in love with Zach Baylor.” But that would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it? What we had was purely puppy love, and puppy love isn’t supposed to last this long… right?
It’s been ten years since I moved away. In those ten years, I have gone home at least once every summer, hoping, wishing, and loathing the fact that we might run into each other. This has only happened twice: once during Halloween in seventh grade and once just two years ago during Fiesta.
I haven’t had a boyfriend since you. Well, I’m not sure if what we had counts as a relationship, and I was only officially your girlfriend for a day. Nothing even happened. Most of the crushes I’ve had since you haven’t resulted in anything. I find myself most attracted to those men with pretty eyes who flash pretty smiles. I also like my boys shy, and all those things inevitably link them back do you.

Do you remember the first time we met? It was probably in first grade, but I don’t think we were ever introduced or anything. I do, however, remember the first day I saw you.
I had never noticed you before but you were on the swings, sailing high into the air, trying to grab the outstretched hand of the boy next to you. I traded in my metal tricycle for one of the more wobbly two-wheelers, hoping somehow I would catch your eye and stand out from the dozen or so other kindergarteners circling the asphalt.
In that moment, seeing you as the sunlight caught your hair, I felt my heart race in a way that it never had for a member of the opposite sex. We were in different classes, though, and at the time I felt like I would never get to know you or even find out what your name was.
At the end of recess, you obediently went to stand in line at the front of your classroom. You didn’t see me, but I was watching when the pudgy little boy came up to you and said something to you. I watched as your face soured and you said something in return, your cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment. I watched as he grabbed you tightly by the wrist, and I watched as you struggled to break out of his grasp.
He was hurting you, squeezing too hard, I could feel blood roaring past my ears and wondered why I was the only one who saw… I who was too helpless to do anything about it. Finally you managed to pry his fingers off of you. I could see the pain in your face as you disappeared into the classroom, but you never shed a tear.
You were strong, you were beautiful, and I was half in love with you already.

I can’t remember the first time I met you. I think I was eased into knowing you gradually because I became friends with Jack Stadler. He was the ringleader in your little trio… “Jack, Taylor, and Zachary Baylor.” It’s funny how things work out like that. You were always last and least, quieter, gentler than those other two. I could never figure out why you were friends with them, only that you had all known each other since preschool and that’s what kept you together.
In my opinion, Taylor was always the best looking out of the three of you. There was something intrinsically British about Jack (probably those huge teeth and the fact that he was always bragging about how his family was from England), and you were so mousy and shy who would pay any attention to you?
We weren’t in the same class, anyway. First grade was pretty lonely for me, and it didn’t help that Everett had taken up teasing me every day with his stupid older friends. I made friends with some of the new girls who hadn’t been in kindergarten with us. Kristin was particularly feisty and would often take on my brother and his friends when they made fun of us. I never found out how she figured out that kicking them in the jewels would cause the most hurt, but it was amusing to watch as my brother’s friends doubled over in pain when her kicks connected. She was a little girl but she could sure pack a lot of power. Ryan had thankfully been transferred to another school so he wasn’t around to bother me anymore. But my best friend Lisa had also moved away, and she had been the only person I had made a connection with in kindergarten.
The combination of being around you three boys in addition to hanging out with my brothers at home probably contributed to why I generally feel more comfortable around men than I do around women. Do you see how your influence continues to invade my life?
Just to make things clear, I never kissed Jack and Taylor like they always claimed. I would remember something as repulsive as that. My one regret (well, one out of the many that I have concerning you) is never getting to kiss you when I had the chance.

I couldn’t believe my luck when Jack told me about this “pretty cool” girl in his class, and then pointed you out to me the next day.
Your name was Danielle but everyone called you Dani. The other boys liked to tease you and call you “Danielli Danielli Facinelli.” Your older brother and his friends generally started the taunting but if any of us younger boys tried to get in on the action, Everett was truly frightening to behold.
You’d get back at your big brother for making fun of you, though. One of your friends was particularly bold and terrifying because she knew where to kick to make it hurt the most.
You had friends, but I noticed you were like me: a loner at heart. When everyone else was playing Red Light Green Light or Mother May I after school you generally watched rather than participated.
My first grade understanding of girls wasn’t that different from kindergarten. You still weren’t in my class, you were still out of my reach. I doubted you even noticed me. I started paying attention to a girl in my own class: Sadie Logan. She was pretty enough… dark hair, freckles. She took my mind off of you.
Of course she rejected my advances. Cooties were still a rampant problem at this point, but I kept trying anyway even though every day after school I would still find myself watching you from the sidelines as you laughed and talked with Jack and Taylor. I always got picked up before you all did, so I never knew what happened after I left.
Jack and Taylor both told me about how you kissed them. Imagine my surprise and disappointment. You vehemently denied it for all the rest of the time I knew you, so I was never sure of the truth. I liked to hope that you were right, and that I still had the chance to be the first boy to ever kiss you.
But I could never muster up enough courage and then you were gone.

whoa... can you say "super emo"? I should write a Sam Winchester/Peter Petrelli fic with this emo energy... xP

Andi 8:35 PM